


Old Gods

by Yzazar



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, American Gods Inspired, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, but like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 11:24:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11508417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yzazar/pseuds/Yzazar
Summary: Bodhi and Cassian met centuries ago, after most humans had cast them aside as nothing more than fairy tales.





	1. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one shot turned into a slow burn experiment. Idk what I'm doing but i'm having a lot of fun with it.

     Bodhi wakes up wrapped up in Cassian’s arms and it is glorious. It’s raining outside and the old house creaks and groans, but Bodhi is warm and covered in soft blankets. Despite the overcast day he can feel the sun has only just risen so he decides to go back to sleep. He nuzzles closer into Cassian causing the man to mutter in his sleep. Cassian sleeps like a log when it’s raining so he’s surprised when minutes later Bodhi feels him get up. Blearily blinking up at Cassian he realizes the man is quickly getting dressed. 

     “What’s wrong?” Bodhi asks, sitting up to rub the sleep from his eyes. Cassian smiles softly to calm him as he hops around on one foot, attempting to put on shoes. 

     “Someone is lost.” Cassian says, as he hurries around their room. Bodhi is surprised and pleased. It had been a long time since someone had prayed to Cassian for help. Both of them received offerings rarely, ever since the Abrahamic religions had invaded and converted or killed their worshipers. However there were still some who followed the old ways, though few and far between.  

     “Make sure they get home safely.” Bodhi whispers before Cassian leans down to kiss him softly. 

     “I will.” Cassian promised and promptly vanishes. 

     “Showoff!” Bodhi shouts and he hears Cassian's laugh in the wind. The sound makes Bodhi’s heart clench, Cassian rarely laughs so carefree. Bodhi has had a much longer time to adjust, more than a millennia really, and he at least got to keep his name. Cassian had lost his original name, when Europeans had colonized his lands and named him after a creature known to them. 

     Bodhi sighs and looks around at the place he calls home it’s a colorful collection of the two cultures they both hailed from. As a benevolent jinn he was among the first to leave his homeland. He had wandered for years following the few that still believed, helping them on their own journeys as best he could. Finally the stream of prayers had trickled into practically nothing and Bodhi was left in the Americas where he met Cassian, who was walking the same path Bodhi was.

     Bodhi decides to get up and start breakfast. It never took Cassian long to lead his follower home. Most of them were children who already had people searching for them anyways, so it was an easy matter. Bodhi reminisces as he walks out of the bedroom and to the kitchen, lighting the lamps with his inner fire as he walked. The home they had built for themselves was remote and secluded, with no electricity, and that’s how they liked it. Mountains of books and colorfully comfortable furniture illuminated by various windows and painted glass mosaics. Bodhi smiles lightly as he puts water to boil. He is content with his life.

     He's on his second cup of tea when he begins to wonder what could be taking Cassian so long. Cassian had a habit of running back to Bodhi after encountering one of his believers, usually so overjoyed at being remembered that he can’t resist sharing his joy with Bodhi. Bodhi blushes and squirms slightly at the memory of the last time an ecstatic Cassian had received a offering. Cassian had in turn, fervently and thoroughly, worshiped Bodhi.

     Finally the heavy wind chimes on the porch softly ring, indicating Cassian's return. Bodhi watches as a soaking wet Cassian closes their front door behind him and slumps against the heavy carved wooden door; carefully inspecting, of all things, a stuffed rabbit in his hands. 

     “Did a child offer you that?” Bodhi asks, startling him. Cassian smiles wryly and tilts his head up hitting his head against the door.

     “It was all she had in the world.” Cassian says bitterly “But she was willing to sacrifice everything to escape her family...” Cassian wipes his eyes “I wanted to give it back but a sacrifice is a sacrifice.”  

     “Is she safe now?” Bodhi asks worried and Cassian nods.

     “She will be.” Cassian is pensive for a moment longer before grinning wickedly a Bodhi. 

     “Do you want to help me torment her family later?” Bodhi rolls his eyes, but he's happy Cassian was able to bounce back so quickly. Typical trickster.

     “Of Course.” He readily agrees. Bodhi thinks that's the end but Cassian speaks up again.

     “Something else happen.” Cassian admits slowly, as if choosing his words wisely. Bodhi stares at him expectantly while Cassian seems determined to avoid eye contact.“I met one of your brothers on the way here.” Bodhi’s eyes widen in surprise. 

     “One of my brothers?” Bodhi tries to recall the last time he had contact with another Jinn but it’s been decades. So few of them were still alive that it seemed to be a statistical improbability that Cassian would so easily stumble upon one. “What did he want?” he asks. Cassian finally makes eye contact with him and he looks worried. 

     “He came with a message.” Cassian confesses as he walks further into the house. Their various house plants reach out to him for attention as he walks past but he ignores them in favor of sitting besides Bodhi.  Bodhi braces himself for bad news. 

     “Someone is gathering the old gods for war.”Cassian announces and Bodhi closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. There had been rumors and attempts for years but they never panned out. It was not in their nature to work together, so he was skeptical but wary. 

     “He came to recruit us?” Bodhi guesses opening his eyes to see Cassian begin to nod then change his mind and bobs his head from side to side. 

     “I think so.” He says .

     “You _ think _ so?” Bodhi repeats. Unexpectedly Cassian frowns sheepishly.

     “I told him to go to hell before he could finish speaking.” Despite the seriousness of the conversation Bodhi giggles.

     “You  _ did not _ .” Bodhi sounds scandalized but mostly he’s concerned. 

     These days there’s only one motivation that could be strong enough to unite the old gods. Bodhi was however not interested in provoking the new gods, much less fighting a war against them. For a long time Bodhi was bitter about being dethroned, but now he has Cassian and that makes it hard to regret the path his life has taken. After a long contemplative silence Bodhi speaks again. 

     “We have worked hard to make this life.” He says softly looking around their home “We have survived so long and...” Bodhi sighs “I...I don’t want to fight a new war.” Cassian surges forward to take Bodhi’s hands in his. 

     “I know! I know!” Cassian says rapidly “That’s why I told him to fuck off!” Again Bodhi smiles lightly, but he’s still worried. 

     “But what about you?” Bodhi finally asks and Cassian looks confused.

     “What about me?” He asks and Bodhi feels like Cassian is being deliberately obtuse. Cassian was among those who had fought the hardest. So much so that to this day there are still people who believe in him and his kind. Most are still in his land of origin but every now and then a believer, their children or grandchildren migrate, so Cassian did too. 

     “You always fight.” Bodhi eventually says and Cassian stills for a long moment as his gaze drifts. He looks around their home just as Bodhi had and in the end he looks back with a small smile.

     “I like our life and I want to avoid antagonizing anyone.” Bodhi glares at  Cassian suspiciously. 

     “You never worry about antagonizing anyone.” He says and Cassian grins ruefully and shrugs.

     “No, but I care and worry about you and this life that I like so much. So, for once I’m staying out of it..ah..at least for now.” Cassian admits.

     “What happened to sticking to your principles? Bodhi asks dryly. Cassian had always been very vocal about those who claimed neutrality, while waiting for the scales to tip one way or another. Surprisingly Cassian smirks before responding. 

     “I’m sacrificing my principles to you, oh great one, so that we may continue to live a safe and peaceful life.” Bodhi resists kicking him in the shin. 

     “Be serious.” He hisses and Cassian quickly sobers. 

     “In all seriousness,” He says “You are happy and I wish to keep you happy.” Cassian confesses and Bodhi breathes a sigh of relief while simultaneously attempting to stop the ridiculous smile growing on his face. In the past both of them had been a part of similar attempts and they knew what side they would be standing on if a new war began. This time though, they would wait until war was officially declared and instead enjoy peace while it lasted. 

     “I accept your sacrifice.” Bodhi smiles as he stands up pulling Cassian out of his seat. “Now let's get you out of your wet clothes.” Cassian snatches his newly acquired stuffed rabbit off the table as Bodhi drags him towards their bedroom. 

     “First I’m going to collect your sacrifice,” Bodhi lists as he rips Cassian's clothes off. “then we eat breakfast,” he continues, making Cassian laugh “and then I’m going to help you traumatize humans later.” Bodhi reminds him and Cassian groans obscenely, startling laughter out of Bodhi.  Cassian turns out to be a very willing sacrifice and Bodhi doesn’t think he’s ever been so enthusiastically worshiped. 


	2. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi meets Cassian and any chance of a good first impression burns to the ground alongside the forest.

       Bodhi normally ignores the rapid fire prayers that implore multiple gods. Most don’t even believe in him. Most are desperate humans, seeking aid with frivolous matters he cannot help in. This time however the whisper of a faint prayer and the rising smoke convince him to investigate further. The forest he’s in is older than he is and it is on fire. He wonders if the deity that had resided here was dead or perhaps like Bodhi it had chosen to wander. 

       Deep in the forest a mother and father are praying to another god, but the child with them is praying to the fire people his grandmother had so often told him about. The child is begging fervently, offering every item he owned, asking them to stop the flames. Despite not being technically named Bodhi does not hesitate to accept. He calls the flames to him, drawing them away from the family. It’s the most he can do, it’s up to them to have the presence of mind to run. They don’t. They are frozen in terror, praying with their eyes shut and he can only distract the flames for so long. 

      Then, out of the edge of the forest not yet consumed by fire, a man appears. He doesn’t seem frightened as Bodhi would think he should be. He watches as the man scowls darkly at the flames and then whistles making the young child’s eyes snap open. The man makes an unmistakable gesture. 

      ‘Come here.’ 

      Much to Bodhi’s surprise the boy jumps up with a jubilant shout and runs towards the man. Feeling their child ripped away from their grasp his parents are startled out of their frozen fear and run after him, shouting all the way. He follows, trying his best to clear a path through the flames for the running family until they reach a lake where they wade deep into the water. It’s the best he can do for them, he decides and sits on a rock outcrop to keep an eye on them.

      At least that was the plan until he is suddenly hauled up by the back of his shirt. He would have violently retaliated except he suddenly came face to face with the man who had lead the family away.

      “Did you do this?” The man shouts furiously. Bodhi is so thrown that he doesn’t understand the question. “Did you do this?” He repeats loudly, gesturing at the raging fire around them. Now Bodhi is confused and offended.

      “What?! NO! Why would I do that?” He shouts back. 

      “Then what is a fire demon doing in a forest?” Bodhi is really angry now, he kicks out causing the man to drop him or risk being hit. 

      “I am not a fire demon!” Bodhi yells. “I’m here because that child made me an offering and I accepted, so until he is safe I’m not leaving!” The man looks so surprised at his outburst that he backs off. Bodhi belatedly realizes that he’d unintentionally caused the flames to crawl dangerously close. The man glowers at him once more before turning and jumping down towards the lake. He hurries into the water until only his face, turned up to the sky, could be seen. 

      The entire encounter leaves Bodhi confused and unsettled. He keeps a close eye on the family but every now and then he risks a glance towards the stranger. He wasn’t human that much was certain. He would not have been able to lay a hand on Bodhi if he had been. He also wasn’t very powerful if he felt threatened by Bodhi.

      A millennia of wandering had left him diminished. Every passing century there were fewer and fewer believers. When their numbers had withered so had his power. Bodhi is deep in his musing when he realizes that the stranger was staring back at him through his eyelashes. He is initially startled by the hateful gaze but then he remembers that this being though he was responsible for fire burning down his home. He sighs and puts a little more effort into drawing the fires away. He hasn’t survived his long by accidentally making enemies.

      Thankfully the fire passes through quickly and as the sun rises the family finally leaves the waters that had kept them safe. Bodhi watches as they slowly make their way back to what is left of their home. When they are a good distance away he finally turns to look at the lakes other occupant. 

      He hadn’t moved much since entering the lake. When the sky had begun to lighten he drifted to float in the shallow water by the bank, but hadn't moved since. Bodhi slowly wades into the water and approaches the still man. He looks peaceful, like he was sleeping and before Bodhi can stop himself he reaches out and pokes him in the side of the head. His eyes snapped open and he openly glares at Bodhi. 

      “Are you alright?” Bodhi asks, choosing to ignore the open hostility radiating from the stranger. 

      “Do you particularly care?” The stranger rasps out.

      “I would not have asked if I didn’t.” Bodhi says quietly “Please believe me when I say I’m sorry about your home and I had nothing to to with the fire that destroyed it.”  

      The man’s hateful glare turned into confusion and suspicion. He continued to stare until Bodhi grew nervous in the following silence and had to look away. When it became apparent that the man would not speak Bodhi withdrew.

      “Thank you for helping the family.”Bodhi says and quickly retreats. He ignores the sounds of the stranger finally moving about the water and walks away.

      Bodhi spends the day watching the family from a distance. They mourn the home and possessions they have lost but celebrate the life they still have. With little hesitation they begin the herculean task of rebuilding their life. He is suddenly filled with the urge to help them but he knows that it is impossible. Most people run away in terror at the sight of his eyes, a brave few even try to kill him. 

     Abruptly the young child breaks free from his parents and runs to the edge of the clearing. Bodhi observes curiously as the child kneels in the ashes and lays something at the edge of the tree line. The boy claps his hands together and mutters a quick but sincere thanks before leaping up and running back to his parents. When they are out of sight he maneuvers himself closer to the objects on the ground. 

      Bodhi laughs to himself quietly when he realizes that it’s his offering. The boy had promised him everything he owned and he had kept his word. Arranged in a neat little row were all the worldly possessions of a child. Toys. He leans down to gently pick up a slightly charred carved wooden stag. 

      “What exactly do you think you are doing?” A voice behind him asks firmly. Bodhi straightens and takes a moment to hide his surprise before turning to face the man from the lake. “Those belong to me.”

      Bodhi studies the man silently as he processes what the man has revealed about himself. He’s not very powerful but he can touch Bodhi and he accepts offerings. Another deity then, Bodhi finally decides. One that doesn’t mind staring him down.

      “The boy prayed to me and I answered.” Bodhi says eventually “I’m taking  _ my _ offering.” Bodhi gestures down a the hand made slightly burnt possessions. 

      “I think you are confused, Demon.” The stranger says and Bodhi’s just about had enough.  

      “Don’t call me that.” He snaps “I am a Jinn and my name is Bodhi. What do they call you, Goblin?” 

      “I am not a goblin!” the man hisses back. “And that child asked me for help as well.” 

      Bodhi notices the man has avoided his question but doesn’t remark on it. It occurs to Bodhi that they’ve both been given the same offering. He marvels at the rude child's audacity. Had he been a few centuries younger there would have been hell to pay. Except he’s old and tired and he understands that the boy was simply struggling to survive. Bodhi can not hold it against him. The encounter had frazzled his nerves and he just wants this whole ordeal to be over. 

      “I relinquish my claim.” Bodhi finally sighs. “Now please be on your way.” 

      “And why must I be the one to leave?” The stranger asks icily.

      “Are you not a forest god?” Bodhi says and gestures around them. “There is no forest here anymore. Shouldn’t you be on your way?” 

      “Don’t you have a desert to dwell in?” The man replies.

      “That’s a stereotype!”

      “Oh but I must live in a forest?” he counters, and he’s got Bodhi there. 

      Bodhi decides he’s done talking with this rude man. He doesn’t need this aggravation in his life. He glares at the stranger one last time before he turns with a flip of his long hair and walks away.

      “Rude Man.” Bodhi mutters to himself “and rude followers.”    
      “Your followers as well apparently!” The man calls out after him.

      Without much thought Bodhi turns back to look at the forest god only to discover the man is staring at him intently. His gaze is unreadable and Bodhi realizes that he was never given a name. 

      “Apparently.” Bodhi agrees and this time when he walks away he does not look back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's not happy as my other stuff but I hoped you liked it? I definitely plan on adding more. A lot of things happen to get them from this chapter to the first and I look forward to writing about it! 
> 
> I love this fandom and though I don't contribute much thank you for taking the time to read my writing attempts! I took a long break but hopefully I will be writing more frequently! :]


	3. War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second impression still ends with a forest being destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone! I'm sneaking in a chapter for the [BodhiXCassian Spring event! ](https://sniperpilot-prompts.tumblr.com/post/173320671451/sniperpilot-spring-27-29-april)
> 
> Big shout out to everyone who commented here or helped on discord! Especially [@colettebronte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/colettebronte/pseuds/colettebronte)  
> who motivated me by commenting on a fic I hadn't thought about in months and had no plans to expand. (this one. ha!) This chapter wouldn't have been done so fast if it wasn't for her! 
> 
> Warning! the rating went up due to... let's just call it canon typical violence.

        To survive a war it is often necessary to pick a side. Bodhi knows this but it doesn’t lessen the blow to his pride. He’s surprised that he’s got any pride left to lose but here he is. He was once a god to be feared, now he knelt before a new deity.  He swears on his life that when the time comes he will fight for them. In return he will not be forgotten. There will be a place for him at the edges of the new religions. The vow still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth but he is allowed to exist.

        For the first time in centuries he experiences a resurgence of followers rather than a decline. The power that came with them was like an old friend and he welcomed it back warmly. What he once took for granted he fully appreciated. Every new prayer and offering was savored because he knew it would not last. Gods rise and fall. He and his predecessors are proof of this. Eventually the cycle would begin again. All Bodhi needed to do was survive until then. If that meant sacrificing a bit of his pride then so be it. A little pride is a small price to pay when Bodhi once again enjoyed the hum of several prayers and offerings that pulled at him. In all his days Bodhi has never been so happy to hear from so few people. 

        However within the cacophony of new voices a familiar voice is ignored. Bodhi frowns lightly and once again wishes that the child would stop giving him offerings and thanks. It's been years but like any true believer they don’t take silence as absence. If Bodhi were more malevolent he would make his displeasure known. But he’s not not. Besides he had already decided that he would never step foot in that forest again. At least not for another few decades. By then the child would be long gone and hopefully so would the deity attached to him.

        Having made up his mind Bodhi suppresses the urge to accept the devotions of a child he once saved. It’s not out of malice that he ignores the prayers but out of self preservation. At least this is what he tells himself. He doesn’t want to willingly cross paths with the unnamed forest god again. He had been able to walk away from the first encounter without a fight. He doesn’t know if a second meeting will go as well.

        He is of course right. Even after a milenia of the same tired shit deities are still killing one another and sacrificing their followers to do it. So the second time Bodhi meets his forest god they are on opposite sides of a pointless war. 

        He doesn’t expect to meet him again. Especially here of all places, in another dead forest. Bodhi weaves his way through the lifeless trees, keeping his head bowed out of respect for the dead. This place and the things that once thrived here would never recover. A forest can make new life after a fire and it can even heal itself from the touch of man, if given enough time. Whatever being had interfered made sure that nothing would ever live here again. The trees rot from the inside out and any animal foolish enough to try and sustain itself from their poisoned bounty now lie dead at the roots. The smell is unbearable and more than once Bodhi gags in disgust . To keep out the smell and flies he covers his his long hair and face using silk scarves, remnants from a time when offerings were bountiful. 

        He is here on behalf of those who now control his fate. There had been a confrontation here, that much is certain. Representative of both sides had met here and waged war. Bodhi had rushed to lend aid, as he had sworn to, but it seems he is too late. He doesn’t know which side has won. He also doesn’t know if this dead forest could be considered a victory. No humans would ever be able to live here again and by proxy no God would ever be worshipped here either. It is dead and wasted land. 

        Bodhi stumbles through it as quietly as he can, determined to leave this place unnoticed. He doesn’t know who is responsible for the death of an entire forest but he doesn’t want to meet them. Even if they might be an ally. He feels as if he’s been wandering for hours despite the sun position telling him otherwise. He tries to shake of the feeling and he keeps walking towards the sun knowing that eventually it would lead him out.  He realizes his mistake when he finds the field of dead humans. 

        He resists the urge to let himself be lost to despair and dread. Instead he lowers his eyes and takes a fortifying breath that he immediately regrets. The combination of dead and rotting human, forest, and wildlife is overwhelming, but not new to Bodhi. He takes several moment to fortify himself further before he keeps walking, choosing to go around the massacre. Perhaps if his mind had not been so preoccupied with what he had just witnessed then he would have noticed the weapon aimed at him. He does not notice.

        No until the arrow hits him in the side. Close to where his heart would be, had he been born human. The force behind the blow knocks him of balance and he’s falling to the forest floor. Bodhi lets out a gasp of pain as he struggles to maneuver himself out of his attackers sight. He looks down at arrow impaled in him and in a moment of rage he grasps it tightly and watches as it burns and dissolve into ash. Except for the damn arrowhead that stays lodged in him. Grimacing he pries it out of himself and glares darkly down at the strange black rock. Almost like glass. He lets his fire grow and steps out from behind the tree ready to burn the whole fucking forest and everyone in it to the ground. 

        Except he immediately recognizes that damned unnamed forest god and subconsciously he lets the raging fire around him die. Which make the other pause in confusion. A very small part of Bodhi that is not busy trying to keep him alive is amused. Confusing and unbalancing tricksters always was a favorite past time of his.  An even bigger part of him is fucking annoyed that he’s been attacked by a man whose life he had once saved. 

        “Still as rude as ever.” Is all Bodhi can think to say as he reaches up to pull down the fabric covering his face.  He hopes he can convey the sheer aggravation he feels through his glare alone. He must be good at it because the weapon is lowered slightly. The forest god looks at Bodhi with open surprise and despite the urgency that Bodhi feels about fleeing this place they continue to simply stare at one another until Bodhi decided to speak again. 

        “Are you going to try to kill me or not?” Bodhi finally ask. The other tilts his head slightly to look past Bodhi, at the carnage that lies behind him. 

        “Are you responsible for this?” He asks and if Bodhi had eyes he would have rolled them. 

        “This is beyond my abilities,” He answers truthfully “and I would like to leave this place before whatever did this does comes back.” 

        “Why are you here?” He asks instead and Bodhi doesn’t have time for this. The dread that he’d been able to keep at bay suddenly spikes and he suddenly feels cold. Definitely not a good sign for someone made of fire. 

        “I suspect I’m here for the same reason you are.” Bodhi snaps impatiently. “Now attack me or get out of my way.” 

        He looks taken aback by Bodhi’s blunt proclamation and lowers his weapon entirely. Bodhi takes the opportunity to move again and as he hurries past his attacker he tosses he arrowhead back at him. 

       “You’re not going to stab me in the back with one of these are you?” This time it’s Bodhi who’s being glared at.

       “Not unless you give me reason to.” He finally says. Bodhi almost tells him being on opposite sides of a war seemed like a good enough reason but he manages to keep his mouth shut. Instead he takes a gamble and keeps walking. It’s the second time he’s turned his back on this being with the intent to walk away without looking back. 

       He feels eyes on him but he resist the urge to turn around. He walks with purpose and unlike before he feels like with every step he’s actually going somewhere, not just wandering a dead forest for a way out. It’s not until the trees thin and the forest gives way to a wide open field does he give in to the urge to look back. He immediately regrets it at the sight of the forest god, barely an arms length away. 

        “Did you follow me?!” He asks indignantly when the man smirks at the way Bodhi had startled. 

        “Yes.” He says simply and Bodhi can’t help but give him the most baffled look. 

        “Why?” Bodhi asks and immediately jumps to a terrible conclusion. “Are you going to try to kill me now?”  The other man frowns as if annoyed 

        “No.” Is all he says. It only takes Bodhi a moment to understand. 

        “Ah…” Bodhi says, with dawning comprehension. “You’re trying to run away too.”  If anything the man looks even more irritated.

        “I was making sure you did not get lost.” He retorts sharply. Bodhi looks unconvinced and gazes at him suspiciously. 

        “This place offends me.” He finally mutters petulantly. Bodhi looks at him very closely and finally notices how sickly he looks. His eyes are dark, his skin is pale, and it looks like he’s at death's door. Bodhi understands, the forest is affecting this stranger strongly. 

        They walk out of that cursed place together and Bodhi can't find it him to think it odd. 

        When they finally step into the field they both let out a sigh of relief. It is short lived. Bodhi having been so busy focusing on what was behind him had failed to notice what was ahead. 

        Tall grass had hidden it from view but as they walk through it they see the field of flowers. They're like no flower Bodhi has ever seen.  Large and pink, with petals that looked like scales. Alien and beautiful they grow out of a dead gods chest. Bodhi sighs deeply at the sight of a dead ally. His side had lost the battle then. The cold feeling he had felt in the forest had been an enemies eyes on him.  Once again death had been narrowly avoided. 

        With little hesitation he makes up his mind to wipe this place off the face of the earth.  

        “I'm going to burn this forest down.” He announces to his unlikely companion so that he wouldn't be surprised by the sudden appearance of fire rolling off him in waves. Bodhi expects some sort of resistance from the forest god, he gets none. 

        “Please do.” He says instead and Bodhi does not hesitate. The unnaturally dead trees resist his fire but the forest floor, covered in layers of dry dead things, lights up beautifully.  

        Bodhi watches as everything before him is engulfed in flames but he feels no pleasure as he once would have. Well not until the screaming starts at least.  Whatever foul thing that had polluted this place finally makes its presence know as it runs through the trees directly at Bodhi. It's covered in fire so he can't even begin to guess what it is.

        In the end it doesn't matter.  When it reaches the tree line an arrow goes flying past Bodhi and lodges itself into the creature. As Bodhi watches several more puncture the thing in strategic places until it can run no more.  It crawles a final few meters towards them before finally succumbing to its wounds. Bodhi never takes his eyes of it. Not until the fire has run its course and left nothing but ash where there had once been a god. 

       The darkest parts of Bodhi wishes he could have prolonged its suffering. He breathes in deeply and the smell of ash is comforting. 

       “I owe you my gratitude.” The sudden but quiet proclamation startles Bodhi into finally looking back at his still unnamed forest God. 

       “For what?” Bodhi asks and watches as the other shifts uncomfortably while looking away. 

       “For destroying this place.” He finally says and gestures at the fire that was burning away from them, leaving nothing but blackened tree stumps. 

       “This was purely selfish.” Bodhi admits.. “I wanted to destroy that vile place for myself and no one else.”

       “I am still grateful.”He says, staring at Bodhi intensely.  “For destroying this place, killing that thing, for not fighting back even though I wounded you, for protecting that family…. and me.” He says it so quickly that Bodhi is left blinking like an owl as he processes what he's being told. 

       “I thought we would be even if I lead you out of the forest safely but now I owe you even more.”  Bodhi is so surprised by his impromptu speech. By the thought that perhaps the rude man was not so rude. What a strange turn of events. 

       Bodhi quickly waves his hands to stop the other from speaking. 

       “I told you the fire is completely selfish, you helped me kill that thing and you repaid my protection so we are equal now.” Bodhi insists.  The forest God shakes his head and continues to speak.  

      “I am not so delusional to think I could fight you and win, not like this.” He gestures at himself and his poor appearance. “We are enemies. It would not have been difficult to kill me. Why did you not try?” 

        Bodhi doesn't know how to answer that. Especially while dark eyes are still focused on him, staring into the fire that pours out from under Bodhi’s eyelashes. The answer sounds silly in his head. He imagines it'll sound just as silly if he speaks it. 

       “Because I protected you once.” Bodhi confesses, loud enough to be heard over the dull roar of fire. “If I killed you now all that effort will have been wasted.” 

       Bodhi can tell from the others expression that that's not what he had expected to hear. Bodhi shrugs helplessly. 

       “Why did you protects me from that fire then?” he asks loudly to be heard over the growing fire. Again all Bodhi can do is shrug. 

        “Because it seemed like the right thing do!” Bodhi suddenly says and it's the truth. Bodhi feels inexplicably weak for having admitting it. He turns away again to stare at the fire that is growing as it moves further away. As the silence between them grows Bodhi wonders what has possessed him to be so truthful to this stranger.

        The gentle hand that wraps around his upper arm startles him, he had not realized the forest God had gotten so close. He is gently pulled on, forcing him to look at the other  again. 

        “I am in your debt.” the other says solemnly and Bodhi feels the weight of his words. Unable to find the right words Bodhi simply nods in acceptance. 

        “What now?” Bodhi asks hesitantly. They're still on opposites sides of a war and Bodhi has promises to keep. 

        “That depends on you.” He lets go and finally eye contact is broken, leaving Bodhi slightly unbalanced.  

        “What do you mean?” Bodhi asks, puzzled as to why the forest God is suddenly waking away from him. 

       “When will you come collect your share of our offerings?” he asks from over his shoulder. “The boy is a man now but he is still  grateful for protection you have him. Don't you think such faith deserves it's rewards?”

       Nope. Still rude, Bodhi decides about both the follower and his god who is still walking away from him. Bodhi is content to turn his back and let the forest god be on his way until he remembers something.

       He still doesn't have a name. He turns around to ask but the other is already gone. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flower growing out of the dead god is the Protea which symbolizes: Courage; Transformation; Someone who has been fighting too long.  
>   
> I think it fit the chapter perfectly don't you?
> 
> meh they didn't really fight because I didn't have it in me to hurt them so much. I'm not sorry. :]  
> As always all mistakes are mine.  
> 


	4. Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi looks for his unnamed forest god. He doesn't find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No editing, we die like amatures.

 

       Curiosity wins out and Bodhi decides that the next time the boy prays he would listen. It's a valid and good plan that Bodhi immediately follows when it becomes apparent that his side would not win the war. After their last disastrous loss Bodhi reevaluated his position and then considered retreating with his fleeing believers. They are on the move again and where they go he must follow. Bodhi takes a moment to giggle helplessly at the reversed position he finds himself in. Before he puts even more distance between them Bodhi finds himself listening to a familiar prayer. It doesn’t take him long to return to the place where they had met all those years ago.

       Bodhi doesn’t wander through the forest as he once would have. He walks with purpose, directly towards his shrine. Bodhi couldn’t help but smile when he realized what was pulling him. Shrines for him were few and far between and yet there was one here in a lush forest. It’s ironic at least. It starts to rain before he’s even half though the forest but he can’t find it in him to care. He feels suddenly renewed and full of energy.

       When he finally finds what he’s looking for he’s soaked to the bone and standing before a very familiar house. The one he had watched a family rebuild. The same family he had helped save from the fire so many years ago. Bodhi hesitates just a few feet from the front door. Unsure of what to do next. Somewhere inside someone had taken great care to set up a shrine for him and eventually his curiosity overpowers his caution.

       When he enters he discovers that the home has been abandoned with no signs of human life. Bodhi steps further into the dwelling and quickly realizes that was not quite right. The fireplace is lit and on the mantle above it is Bodhi’s newest altar. He moves closer to inspect it. Bodhi can’t help but smile slightly at the sight of a slightly burnt carved wooden toy front and center. Besides it is the familiar offering of food and coin. Bodhi ignores the coin but takes the food gladly.

       He quickly inspects the rest of the rooms and when he is sure he is alone he sits with his back to the fire and lets him self enjoy a very fresh apple. The boy must have only left recently he concluded. He wonders what reason the family had to abandon the home and why it was not enough to stop the child from still leaving him offerings. Why he would light a fire and then leave it burning is beyond Bodhi. He muses on this for a long while while he waits for his clothes to dry and the rain to stop. A small part of Bodhi even admits that he was also waiting for his forest god to show. Someone must be coming back he assumes, why else would there be a fire burning?

       He is lost in thought for a long time so it’s not until rain stops does he realize that something is off. With the rain masking any sound it was difficult for Bodhi to hear anything that might seem unusual. Now though it becomes terribly clear that the house makes too much noise. Bodhi gets up slowly and pockets the coins and toy left at his shrine. All while ignoring the scratching sounds coming from another room. He does not investigate. He calmly walks out the door and back into the forest. Bodhi’s survival instincts are strong after all.

       When outside Bodhi turns back to squint at the house suspiciously. It doesn’t seem overly ominous or evil like so many other Bodhi had encountered but he wasn’t going to risk it.  He’d already collected his gifts so technically he had completed what he had set out to do. He really should leave but the chance of another encounter with that infuriating forest god makes Bodhi pause. He sighs and glances around the clearing.

       That’s when he notices the other shrine. Bodhi knows that it must belong to his unnamed forest god. It’s quite a sight. There is an offering similar to that of Bodhi’s food and coin but what makes it beautiful is the thousands of rocks in precariously balanced towers around the base of the tree. None bigger than his hand and several as small as his thumbnail, all different colors and textures. Bodhi finds himself admiring the whimsical sight.

      At the height of his power Bodhi had also received several stones. In the form of diamonds and rubies people had tried to buy his favor and sometimes they succeeded. Now staring at the simple offerings Bodhi can’t help but think that these rocks are infinitely more precious and personal.  He doesn’t touch them. He wouldn’t dare be so disrespectful. Instead, before he can overthink it, he takes the familiar toy he had taken from his own altar and sets it down atop a larger smooth river rock.

       He doesn’t know what message he’s trying to send with the gesture but it feels right. He stands up once more and glances around, half expecting the forest god to appear. He doesn’t and after several more moments Bodhi sighs and begins to walk back the way he came.

       Bodhi reluctantly admits to himself that he is disappointed even if he can’t understand why.

* * *

 

       Bodhi goes west and finds the ocean again. It’s not the same one he crossed when he left his home so he does not hate it. He doesn’t love it either but he appreciates it for it’s beauty and power. There he meets and befriends a Nordic sea god who lives on the beach and loves to complain about invaders.

       “Are you not also an invader?” Bodhi deadpans from where he sits in the sand. Bodhi actually enjoys the following rant the other god goes on. He has to stop himself from laughing several times before the other man stops his monologue.   

       “And therefore I am not an invader!” He finally concludes and Bodhi glances around the beach where they are both foreigners. He throws his hands up while laughing in a slightly hysterical way.

       “Then what the hell are we doing here!” He shouts out into the ocean.

       “Visiting.” The other says dryly and for some reason that makes both of them laugh even harder. It’s not nice laughter, it’s ugly and borders on deranged because Bodhi knows the truth.

       He will never see his home again.

       Eventually Bodhi feels his laughter break into sobs and it’s perhaps one of the strangest experiences he’s ever had. He’s laughing and crying while sitting on a beach besides someone he’s only just met.  It’s not a great way to start a friendship but it works for them.

       “If you’re just visiting then when exactly do you plan to leave?” he asks between laughter and tears. The sea god stares out into the ocean in silence and only speaks when Bodhi has manages to regain some of his composure.

       “I'm waiting for my daughter to find me.” He confesses cryptically. Bodhi knows that there must be a long story behind that statement but he doesn’t pry.

       When he leaves he has a pocket full of seashells and more knowledge about ships than he knows what to do with, all courtesy his new friend. Bodhi thanks him for the company and wishes him luck.

       “I hope you find her Galen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author is growing increasingly self indulgent and apologizes to all 5 people who still read this fic.  
> I don't know what I'm doing anymore but I'm enjoying the ride. Hope you are too.


	5. Wander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi wanders into someone new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much @colettebronte who was my beta, cheerleader, and enabler.

Sometimes Bodhi regrets leaving his home. He forces himself not to dwell on it but then he’s reminded of what he left behind and he can’t help but reminisce. Everything here is so different from the home he left behind. He finds it easy to avoid reminders. Mostly. He goes south after leaving Galen behind on his beach. He follows the warmer weather.

     One morning he wakes up and forgets for a brief wonderful moment that he’s anywhere else but home. Bodhi forces himself to blink back tears as he wakes and realizes where he is. At midday he stands, facing the sun and revels in the delicious heat. He’s reduced to more laughing sobs but he figures it’s good for him and doesn’t try to contain them. 

      He keeps moving and often stumbles across a humans but mostly does his best to avoid them. From a distance he may seem like a harmless lone wanderer but up close his eyes always give him away. Sometimes he can get away with a wide brimmed hat but more often than not, when he finds a populated area he must also wrap his eyes with a silk scarf and keep them lowered. Even then he needs to be careful that no one looks too closely. More than once he’s had to flee from the overly observant human that noticed glowing eyes under dark silk. Eyes that generate their own light are a hassle to conceal. 

       Sometimes though, Bodhi finds other deities and occasionally even the ever-rare demigod. Bodhi veers further inland and hits desert when he meets him. His pretty golden hair makes Bodhi stop in his tracks. Bodhi meant to walk around the random structure in the desert. He didn’t think that whoever was dwelling there would come out to him directly. A figure emerges from the lonely structure and is quickly making his way towards Bodhi. Bodhi can’t help but glance around the empty landscape. Nowhere to hide and Bodhi thinks he’d look foolish running away now. He scowls and resigns himself to standing his ground. 

      Bodhi lowers his head slightly and tries to make himself look as harmless as possible. He’s not overly tall and he’s wrapped in large swaths of fabric so he’s usually able to pull it off. Most people don’t rush him like this stranger seems to be though and he wonders if he should attack first. He almost does too. Except . . . . this stranger is waving at him now and is smiling brightly while he runs up. Very odd.

      Instead of feeling at ease he feels even more paranoid. Perhaps this stranger is only trying to lull him into a false sense of security. It wouldn’t be the first time. Bodhi tenses and prepares to set this stranger on fire. 

      “Are you lost?” The stranger shouts out at him and Bodhi is slightly thrown of guard. The man stops a few meters away from him, panting lightly and Bodhi takes a moment to study him. He’s pretty, Bodhi decides. With his lovely blue eyes and a beautiful smile he reminds Bodhi of someone. He just can’t recall who. Bodhi tells himself to muse on it when he is less worried about a potential threat. 

      “Are you lost?” He is asked again and Bodhi remains silent. He watches as the beautiful smile dims with uncertainty. “You’re headed deeper into the desert.” He continues speaking to Bodhi. “There’s no water for days and days.”

      Bodhi knows this. It had been his intention to travel into the desert but he couldn’t very well tell this man that. 

      “Are you alright?” He is asked and that startles Bodhi more than anything else the man could have said. After only a moment of hesitation Bodhi stands upright and lifts his head to give the young man a better view of his face. Bodhi is always secretly pleased by the reaction he can inspire in humans. The man jumps slightly at the glowing eyes poorly concealed in the fading light of the day. Bodhi doesn’t try to suppress the amused smile that is quickly wiped away when the stranger recovers and he’s smiling brightly at Bodhi again. 

      “Oh!” He gasps, suddenly moving even closer to Bodhi, which was not at all the intended effect. “Are you immortal too?” and that question makes Bodhi pause entirely and study the other more closely. Unintentionally Bodhi begins to walk forward and the closer he gets the more it becomes clear. 

      Bodhi is made of fire. The strongest, purest source of fire is the sun itself. If Bodhi wanted, he could live off the sunlight and nothing more for a very long time. Whatever is coming off of this stranger is holding its own against the sun itself and Bodhi is in awe. Bodhi finally stops, hardly an arms length away from him and pulls down the silk from around his eyes. Bodhi tries not to show how pleased he is when he hears the other’s soft gasp. 

      With his eyes unhindered Bodhi takes a long moment to stare openly before he raises his hand and waves it through the rays of light coming off of the man. 

      “Guess that answers that question.” The stranger says cheerfully while still staring wide-eyed at Bodhi’s eyes. Bodhi can’t help but smile slightly and he finally takes pity on him. 

      “No, I’m not lost.” He says softly and is pleasantly surprised when the stranger suddenly seems to be blushing. 

      “I don’t need as much water as most,” he continues to answer the questions he had previously ignored “and I’m …” Bodhi hesitates on the last answer and that’s enough to have the other jump in. 

      “Do you need food or rest?” he suddenly pipes up and Bodhi feels his resistance melt under the earnest expression on his face. He turns and points to his home in the distance.

      “It’s not much but there’s food and shelter if you need it.” 

      Bodhi can’t help but be curious about a pretty blushing boy who gives off the light of the sun. He bemoans the existence of this being because if anyone could convince Bodhi to walk into a trap it would be this man. He wants to know more.

      “I don’t need food or rest,” Bodhi admits“but I could do with some company?” 

       Bodhi mentally winces when instead of sounding suggestive, it sounds like an unsure question. He doesn’t mind as much when the strangers smile just grows and he seems to shine a bit brighter. With the actual sun setting behind him Bodhi is more entranced than ever. 

      “You’d be doing me a favor.” the man glances around the desert and laughs. “I don’t get a lot of company out here.” Bodhi makes up his mind then. 

      “Lead the way.” He says gesturing at the structure in the distance and the stranger gladly does. 

      “You can call me Luke by the way,” he says suddenly and Bodhi doesn’t hesitate this time. 

      “My name is Bodhi.” He responds with a soft smile that grows when Luke smiles right back at him. 

      Walking side by side Bodhi can’t help but steal glances at the man besides him. It becomes obvious when their eyes keep meeting that Luke is staring too. Bodhi hopes that this isn’t a trap. He already likes Luke too much and Bodhi really doesn’t want to have to kill him. 

      Bodhi stumbles at that sudden intrusive thought. Luke pauses alongside him and gives him a questioning look.

      “Are you alright?” He asks again and Bodhi really wishes he wouldn’t ask that. Bodhi also sometimes wishes he wasn’t so suspicious of others. Then he remembers the reason he’s still alive is because of his cautious nature. 

      “You’re not trying to lure me into an ambush are you?” He asks and suddenly he feels exhausted. Luke’s eyes widen and he takes a step away from Bodhi. “Because if you are I’d prefer to get this over with here and now.” 

      Luke slowly puts his hands up, his expression is worried and Bodhi ignores the part of him that feels guilty. He was right, it was best to get this out of the way. Bodhi is prepared for Luke to outright attack him or if he’s lucky he’ll just ask him to leave. He’s only known Luke for all of five minute but really he should have known by now that Luke would reacted unexpectedly. 

      “You’re obviously not alright.” He says like it’s a fact and Bodhi is suddenly incensed by the pity he sees on Luke's face. Then Luke is smiling in a way Bodhi thinks is meant to be reassuring but it only annoys him more. 

      “Please stop smiling.” Bodhi mutters darkly. “I'm being serious.” 

      “I know,” Luke quickly reassures him. “but I don’t know how to convince you I won’t hurt you.” Bodhi feels disarmed by such an honest sentiment and he feels stupid because he’s ruined what could have been a promising start.  

      Bodhi spares a moment to marvel a how easily he and Galen had become friends. A grouchy old sea god was one thing but put Bodhi in front of a pretty sun deity and suddenly he acts like a still-unnamed asshole forest god. Figures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm out here living my BEST fanfic writer life because writing this was just so much fun!!!  
> Luke just kinda elbowed his way in so I hope y'all don't mind too much.  
> Cassian is still endgame but like...Luke is gunna make him work for it.  
> ∠( ᐛ 」∠) ＿ 
> 
> Also I'm surprised by how fast I got it this out and I'm going to try and be better about updating this.  
> It's my first attempts at slowburn so I hope I can do it well!


	6. Junk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bodhi is curious about Luke and all the stuff Luke finds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thanks to @Colettebronte!
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

      In Bodhi’s defense, he’d spent most of his life being worshiped. Interacting with others is not difficult when they’re literally throwing themselves at your feet, willing to do anything to please you. It’s been centuries though and Bodhi has become accustomed to being disregarded by humans. Some part of Bodhi will always be bitter about it but he tries to keep it buried. If he thinks about it too much he grows melancholy.

      If he thinks too hard he starts to wonder why he even bothers.

      Standing in front of a wide-eyed Luke, Bodhi has never felt so aware of his own awkwardness. He remembers why he avoids deities, demigods, and humans alike. An encounter during conflict is easy to maneuver. Bodhi doesn’t know what to make of Luke's easy smiles and open nature. It’s either an elaborate lie to trap him or Bodhi has just met the prettiest and most incautious deity. Either way Bodhi doesn't know how to navigate this situation.

      “Look, I know you probably have a good reason for not trusting me,” Luke says finally breaking the silence. “But neither of us should be outside when the sun sets.”

     Bodhi glares sharply at Luke then out at the horizon where the sun was already disappearing. Some random deity claiming to only want to help shows up and all Bodhi can do is feel suspicious and wary. Bodhi vaguely wonders if this is how his unnamed forest god felt. Bodhi thinks that perhaps the rude deity and his actions are suddenly a bit more understandable. Luke is still staring at him though so he shoves those thoughts aside.

      “I’m not the worst thing out here.” Luke says and his smile is gone. He gives Bodhi an imploring look and combined with the soft light shining off him, Bodhi knows he’s doomed. Before he can stop himself he’s uttering a familiar sounding phrase.

      “Why do you want to help me?”  Luke is smiling softly as he answers.

      “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

      Being on the receiving end this time Bodhi wonders if _he_ had felt the same way Bodhi does now, because for the first time in a very long time Bodhi wants to believe. It's enough.

       The sun is touching the horizon when they reach Luke’s home. Amidst his brewing anxiety, he takes a moment to admire the beautiful structure. He’s never seen anything quite like it.

      Luke’s home is covered in mirrors. So many mirrors. It’s a miracle that Bodhi had spotted it at all . He suspects that had he been walking through at about midday the house would have been invisible to him. Now it reflected the soft pink sky created by the setting sun. It looks like Bodhi can see right through it, like it’s floating in the sand.  A lovely home for a lovely god, how appropriate.

      “It’s beautiful.” Bodhi murmurs appreciatively. At his side Luke seems pleased by his assessment.

      In an unexpected turn of events it only takes a moment for all his anxiety and worry to melt away, replaced by what he can only describe as a gentle fury.

      “How are you still alive?” Bodhi groans into his hands as he takes in Luke's beautiful, poorly fortified home. “You have no protection whatsoever.”

      Luke shrugs and Bodhi would think it was adorable if the situation wasn’t so dire.

      “I’m being serious!” Bodhi repeats. “Your door doesn’t lock!” Bodhi says as he pointedly pushes the door open and watches as it swings closed. “How can you claim to offer me shelter when your door doesn’t even lock?”

       “We’re not saying in here.” Luke says, causing Bodhi to finally look around. The inside of Luke's home is painted entirely white and is completely empty. Which isn’t suspicious at all.

      “What happens when you're attacked? And you're lying if you say you’re never attacked!” Luke gives him a mischievous smile.

      “Well usually I brighten myself up until I burn the eyes out of them.” Luke confesses cheerfully and Bodhi gives him a hard stare.  

      “That'll be very effective against me.” Bodhi deadpans while pointing at the fire in his eyes. Luke laughs at him again.

      “If that didn’t work I was going to light you on fire,” he admits.

      “Really?” Bodhi says in mock surprise “That was my plan too.” Bodhi can’t help but find Luke’s bright smile endearing.

      “They’d find me buried under your shack wouldn’t they?” Bodhi mutters, only half intending to make Luke laugh.

      “Yes actually!” Luke says and at the sight of Bodhi face he quickly rushes to open a hidden trap door in the floor before looking back at Bodhi expectantly.

      “Hell no.” Bodhi swears. He was not going underground for anyone.

      “We don’t believe in hell,” Luke says, making Bodhi scoff

      “Speak for yourself. You think hell is an original creation? Hell was my dominion before they handed it over to that self righteous asshole.”

       Bodhi would have probably continued his impromptu speech if the howling hadn’t started. Luke glances out the window in alarm.

       “Get inside Bodhi,” he orders making Bodhi bristle. “Please get inside?” he amends, a sincere expression on his face. The room brightens as Luke gives off more light and Bodhi moves forward before he can even think about it.

      “Fine but I warn you that upon my death my body will most likely implode,” Bodhi says dryly and finally accepts that Luke is probably, hopefully, most likely trying to help him.

      If he wasn’t then Bodhi would blow this pretty house off the face of the earth.

* * *

 

      Bodhi spends the night sitting against a wall glaring at Luke for making him go underground.

      “You’re a sun god.” Bodhi mutters “How can you stand being underground?” He asks, trying to understand. Luke just shrugs from where he sits on the ground opposite Bodhi.

     “The sun isn’t out now is it?” Luke says instead which means nothing to Bodhi. Bodhi crosses his arms and continues to glare. He’d spent the better part of a century underground and had lost his taste for it, but he wasn’t going to tell Luke that. Bodhi glares around at their surroundings instead, looking for a distraction.

      The house above them was obviously some sort temple to Luke while the ground below was where he must spend most of his time. If Bodhi were feeling nice he’s call it cozy but in his annoyance all he can call it is cluttered.

      “Why do you have so much junk?” He asks, startling a laugh from Luke. From his seated position on the floor at the entrance of Luke’s home Bodhi can see a statue of some goddess, several covered ceramic jugs, rolled up tapestries piled along a wall, shelves filled with various little knick knacks and metal gears. Bodhi’s heart suddenly jumps up at the sight of the last.

      “You have automaton parts,” he states in disbelief. Luke’s eyes widen in surprise. “Where did you get them?” Luke turns to glance at the pieces Bodhi was staring at.

      “It’s complicated,” he says slowly. Bodhi crosses his arms and resumes glaring at Luke who just smiles wryly back at him.

      "I found them,” Luke finally admits. “In the desert.” Bodhi continues to glare at him, suspicious.

      “That seems highly unlikely,” he eventually says when Luke fails to elaborate. “You just stumbled upon them in the vast desert?”

      “More or less,” Luke confirms, which Bodhi doesn’t believe for one moment.  They silently stare each other down until Luke finally relents under Bodhi’s burning glare. Luke sighs and his expression is pensive. Bodhi at last sees the weariness that is so common amongst gods like them. Such an open expression makes Bodhi  uncomfortable and he looks away.

      “If it is in this desert,” Luke begins to explain, amending, “If it is under the sun I can find it.”

      “Only in this desert?” Bodhi asks and Luke begins to nod before shaking his head indecisively.

      “It works best here,” Luke says and that sparks Bodhi’s interest.

       “Why is that?” Bodhi asks. He knows he’s being nosy but the thought of being able to find anything under the sun is a fascinating one. He can't help but think of about how helpful that could be to a certain ship building sea god.

       “I don’t know.” Luke shrugs. “This place is weird.” Bodhi scoffs. Everyplace is weird if you stay long enough.

      “Elaborate,” Bodhi demands. Luke rolls his eyes.

       “Things appear,” he explains vaguely, much to Bodhi’s annoyance.

      “Things? What things?” He asks and Luke smugly gestures further into his home where Bodhi had refused to go.

      Bodhi takes a moment to reassess all the clutter in Luke's home.

      “You found all this in desert?” Bodhi asks in disbelief. Luke nods.

      “When the sun sets there’s nothing there. Then the sun rises and suddenly there is.”

      “And you have no idea where it’s all coming from?” Bodhi asks, fascinated by the wide range of object he can see from his position.

      “Not really, no.” Luke says and they fall into silence. From his spot against the wall, Bodhi continues to study the things in Luke's home, trying to place their origins.

      That’s when he spots a familiar looking dagger, looking like it was made of black glass.

      “I’ve seen something like this before.” Bodhi says and absently rubs the spot on his chest where an arrow had pierced him not so long ago. Bodhi hasn’t seen obsidian used as a weapon in ages. He hadn’t thought about it since but now it stirs a millenia-old memory in him.

     Bodhi had loved obsidian jewelry above all else and once long ago, Bodhi had covered himself in it.

      Bodhi is startled out of the pleasant memory of being fervently worshipped by a blinding bright light.

     “What are you doing?” Bodhi demands to know from a sheepish looking Luke.

      “I’m sorry!” Luke apologizes but only grows brighter. “It’s just . . . your face . . . sorry!” Luke suddenly leaps up, startling Bodhi who just presses himself further against the wall.

      “No sudden movements please,” he mutters as he too stands and brushes himself off.

      “Right sorry,” Luke says, backing up slightly. “Do you, uh want to take a closer look at anything?” Luke asks and between his burning curiosity and Luke's brilliant light, Bodhi feels even more of his resistance crumble.

      “Alright.” he says softly. Bodhi doesn’t make it past that first room as he insists on inspecting every wonderfully, odd thing that Luke has managed to collect. There’s a severed automaton head that is made of smooth metal with big glass eyes. Bodhi gets stuck, wondering aloud if it was possible to piece it back together.

     “Maybe,” Luke admits. “I’m not very good at it though. My father was better.”

     They tinker with it as the night goes on and in the early hours of the morning Bodhi feels the pull of prayers.

      “I need to go,” he says quietly, suddenly aware of the silence they had been working in. Luke looks distressed.

      “Can you at least wait until sunrise?” Luke asks him. Bodhi can admit to himself that it feels nice to be worried over. He doesn’t wait for the sun to rise though. He leaves the moment before the sky begins to lighten and night shifts to day. He thanks Luke for not killing him, which causes Luke to roll his eyes and smile.

      “Come back anytime,” he says and closes the door in Bodhi’s face which startles a smile out of him.

      Bodhi walks out of the desert feeling lighter than he has in ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke's home inspired by Lucid Stead in California. Cool right?
> 
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>  
> 
> Okay so Cassian is still missing in action but I'm still having fun and Bodhi is still thinking about him and Luke is taking a moment to shine.(ha)
> 
> Soooooo this slow burn is all going according to plan!
> 
> Don't worry Cassian is going to come crashing back onto Bodhi's life soon :D


	7. Exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Existing is hard but Bodhi does his best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the tags so read those before reading this please. 
> 
> Bodhi's journey was always going to have boatloads of angst but I promise it all ends well.

      Sometimes during the long nights, when the light of the sun abandons him, his followers grow silent and all he has is himself. They must sleep, he reassures himself.They would not cast him aside so suddenly. As time goes on and the moments of silence grow longer, the fire within him struggles to stay lit. He begins to wonder why he even bothers. 

      When he was young he never had to think about his place in the universe. Bodhi was strong and felt himself invincible. If he had paid any mind to the God that he had replaced then perhaps he would have seen it coming. But he did not. So blinded was he by the intoxicating new power he felt and the ecstasy of worship, he couldn’t even recall the god that had come before him. 

      He wonders if that’s how he will end as well. Nothing but ash in the wind. Forgotten or replaced by a newer, stronger god. Not for the first time Bodhi wishes he’d gone out like some of his brothers who had fought and raged to the bitter end. 

      Brothers who had gone out as the glorious fire gods they had been born to be. Making sure that for centuries afterward, the place of their death would still carry scars. In his diminished state Bodhi doubts his death will leave so much as a dent.

      So few believe in him, but still he lingers. He does his best to protect and help them but it is never enough. He is restricted and so fucking weak. There is nothing he can do against stronger gods. Gods that have innumerable believers and immeasurable power. Bodhi can only watch as his brave followers refuse to renounce their beliefs. They are faithful until the end and they die for it. He has so few believers that every silenced voice resonates within him. Bodhi tries to remember their words, to memorize their voices and the power it once gave him. Inevitably it all fades away and Bodhi is left weaker than ever.

      In those dark moments Bodhi always has a choice to make. He is so tired of existing, feeling like he just goes on and on, with no real purpose other than to survive. Bodhi wonders if it is enough and for a terrifying moment he considers giving in. He thinks about walking into the ocean that separates him from his home and letting the water extinguish his fire for good. The first time he’d considered it, he dismissed the thought quickly. But with the passing of time, the idea grows more appealing. 

      He wonders if Galen had walked out of the surf and sat beside Bodhi because he knew about the idea brewing in Bodhi’s head. Bodhi had been baffled as to why a dripping wet sea god had settled next to him on the sand and started to lecture him on ship building. In his confusion he hadn’t bother to question it. 

      There’s no one here to distract him now though. Nothing but the corpses of followers he failed to protect. They had been so young and hopeful. So full of life that where they wandered, Bodhi was happy to follow. They had fled, come to this strange and foreign place in a futile effort to survive, just as Bodhi had. He wonders if his efforts are just as futile.

      He wants to lie beside them and give in. The rest of his followers had other gods that would look after them. Gods who are the main focus of their devotion, not like Bodhi who lives in the periphery of their faith. Far away, in a forest, a child places a familiar toy on his altar and Bodhi breaks down into sobs. He’s so fucking tired. He’s lost his pride, his dignity, his home and his followers.

      Not all of them. As much as he hates it, so long as someone believes in him he needs to keep going. He has promises to keep and he’ll be damned if he abandons them now. So many of his brothers have gone out in glorious, vengeful fire yet Bodhi remains. He lingers because death would have been easy. It would also have been a betrayal. He remembers he's not here for himself anymore. He’s here for the humans that had turned to him when his brothers had been consumed by fire.

In despair and hopelessness they had prayed and begged him not to leave them. Now centuries later, Bodhi tries to remember how it felt to be powered by the desperate hope of thousands. The memory sustains him better than any offering or prayer ever could. He still carries the hope of a people on the edge of extinction. For as long as he’s able, he’ll protect their descendants.  

Bodhi knows that is how he will die. Not for himself but for the people who believe in him. No other death is acceptable. 

Bodhi forces himself back together. He reminds himself he has a purpose to fulfill, no matter how small. He has people who believe in him. He can’t let them down. He refuses to let despair consume him. Maybe he’s not important but to the people that pray to him, he matters and that is enough. It has to be. He takes several fortifying breaths and moves forward on shaky legs. 

      He gives the dead their funeral rites as best he can recall and burns the bodies. He stays until they are nothing but ashes. Then he keeps going. It takes him a while, winding back and forth between different followers, but he eventually makes it back to the forest where his improbable shrine resides.

It’s a beautiful day. He takes his time walking, slowly meandering around trees as he appreciates the dawn of a new day. The rising sun soothes his weary body and he wonders if the rude forest god that lived here would mind terribly if he chose to nap against a tree. 

His exhausted body makes the decision for him when he stumbles against a particularly sturdy tree. He laughs quietly to himself and looks up at the foliage swaying in the gentle breeze. The soft sound of wind through the leaves is like a lullaby to Bodhi. In his tired state, he hugs the tree, thanking it for the shelter and settles himself at its roots. If the god of this forest has a problem with it then he can bring it with Bodhi after a nice, long nap. Wrapped up in himself and with his hat pulled low over his face, Bodhi finally rests. He sleeps while the sun rises and that’s when he knows he’s reached a new standard of decline. From here on out Bodhi will only grow weaker. He is resigned to make the most of it.

When he opens his eyes again, it’s only midday and he’s slept too few hours to deal with the energy emanating from the god that stands before him. 

“You again,” Bodhi grumbles at the sight of a familiar mischievous grin paired with grey unseeing eyes. 

“Hello Bodhi,” Chirrut says cheerfully and Bodhi can’t help but grin back tiredly. Of all the gods Bodhi has ever interacted with Chirrut is one of the few he doesn’t mind crossing paths with again. 

“Would you believe me if I told you that I’m very happy to see you?” Bodhi confesses through his grin. Chirrut smiles warmly at him and Bodhi thinks it’s a shared sentiment. 

“Yes! It’s been too long,” Chirrut remarks as he gracefully sits on a large exposed root right beside Bodhi. 

Centuries in fact, since his followers and Bodhi’s had mingled and forced their Gods to meet. Bodhi remembers the meeting fondly. Bodhi had been minding his own business when another god had tried to tackled him from behind. Only Chirrut’s words had prevented Bodhi’s quick end at the hands of his partner. Suddenly Bodhi realizes what’s missing. 

“Where’s Baze?” Bodhi asks and immediately regrets it when Chirrut’s smile falls slightly.

“Gone,” Chirut says and Bodhi immediately sits up. 

“Gone as in dead?” he demands clarification. Chirrut shakes his head. 

“No,” he says quietly “He’s just gone.” 

Chirrut is still smiling softly but it does little to mask the pain that radiates from him. Bodhi doesn’t know what to say. Despite how poorly their first meeting had gone Chirrut had immediately taken Bodhi under his wing and Baze who always deferred to Chirrut’s judgment had quickly done he same. Bodhi spent his first few years of exile following both of them as they showed him how to survive as a wandering god. They had been together for centuries before Bodhi had even existed. Bodhi always thought they’d be together centuries after he ceased to exist too. 

“Why?” Bodhi asks quietly, trying to understand why Baze who was so devoted to Chirrut would leave him after a millennia together. 

“Because it was necessary,” Chirrut answers calmly and Bodhi thinks it’s an absurd answer. 

“What does that even mean? Where is Baze?” He demands to know. He’s so fucking tired and has just pulled himself up from his latest lowpoint and he really doesn’t need Chirrut’s vague comments.

“He left for the same reasons you did Bodhi.” Coming from Chirrut, the statement hurts more than Bodhi will admit.  Bodhi smothers that vicious part of him that yearns to spit out an equally hurtful comment. Chirrut doesn't deserve to be subjected to Bodhi’s foul mood. He bites his tongue and says nothing instead. Chirrut for his part, ignores the internal struggle Bodhi is going through. Bodhi takes several moments to compose himself before speaking again. 

“I’m sorry,” is all Bodhi can say even though he knows it’s not enough.

“Don’t be,” Chirrut says solemnly “You were right.” Bodhi again chooses to remain silent as he recalls the last time he had seen Chirrut and Baze. 

      Their followers were scattered to the four winds by then but still they wandered alongside them. Suddenly the prayers that reached him came from the sea and he had panicked. There were so many of them and suddenly they were out of his reach. He stood on the shore at the edge of his world and yet his believers still called to him from beyond. Bodhi had turned to Baze and Chirrut then. 

      “I have to follow,” he said, trying to make them understand. Bodhi had hardly any brothers left but the few followers that remained had turned them against one another. If Bodhi follows where they will not, then he might survive. Chirrut and Baze understood but refused to leave. So Bodhi left them behind.

      Sitting beside Chirrut in the present day, Bodhi does not regret his decision.  He only regrets not trying harder to convince his mentors to follow him. Then maybe they might all be here together. Both of them remain silent, lost in memory until Bodhi manages to shake himself out of it.

      “What now?” he asks, mostly because he doesn't know what else to do. Chirrut seems to bounce back from his silent musing and flashes Bodhi a sharp grin.

      “Haven't you heard?” he asks. “There's a war going on.” 

Bodhi freezes at the words and he leans away from Chirrut, glaring at him through narrowed eyes. Chirrut’s mischievous grin tells him all he needs to know.

      “You shit.” Bodhi says slowly “Are you here to kill me?” Chirrut laughs loudly at the accusation. 

      “I'm to report any sighting of the enemy,” Chirrut confirms and then proceeds to wave his hand before his face. “But I haven't seen anyone so I suppose you are safe.”

Bodhi can't help the laugh Chirrut’s actions startle out of him. Despite everything,  despite apparently being on opposite sides of a war, Chirrut was still protecting him.

      “Besides,” Chirrut continues, “I'm not here for you.” That peaks his interest.

      “Am I allowed to know why you're here?” Bodhi asks. Chirrut pretends to think about it for a moment before speaking.

      “I'm here to see Cassian.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on the first half of the chapter for a while. It's personal in ways you can probably guess and ways you probably won't. 
> 
> I almost cut this in half to let you all stew in Bodhi's sadness but like I just couldn't do it  
> I felt like name dropping Cassian was a much better end. Don't you?
> 
> Shout out to my beta @colettebronte who I'm apparently killing. I'd say sorry but we both know that's not true :]
> 
> I still don't know what I'm doing but I'm still having fun so thanks for still reading!


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